In honour of February and all things relationships, this month on the blog we will be hearing from guys and girls from all stages of relationships answer some of the most asked questions regarding relationships, and share their best advice and encouragement. These are regular people who may be one or two steps ahead of you who have a heart for you to succeed in your romantic relationships. Get ready. Sit back. Let’s go! ~Daysha
By guest writer Alyse FergusonI remember the first time I saw “real love” I was probably about 15 years old watching the movie The Notebook. I saw the way Noah would do anything to win Ally’s affection and I sat in awe thinking “that is the kind of love I want, and I am willing to wait for it”. For this must truly be love, a lifetime of struggle and passion ending in the most romantic kiss in the rain I ever saw. “Yes, this would be my love story”. But spoiler alert, life is not like the movies. And sometimes the struggle takes precedence in our minds over the true love found in relationship with another person. Love is messy and hard but also beautiful and fulfilling and the cross is what makes my love story perfect.
Growing up my family was not always perfect at showing love. I knew I was cared for and I found companionship in many friends throughout my life but youth was a difficult time. I became not awesome at expressing my feelings and felt a need to keep myself safe and make my own life decisions. When I met Tyler I was not looking for a relationship, I was a newly YWAM returnee and loved the independence and relationship with God that I had acquired while away on missions. But when God has a plan, he really knows what he is doing. Tyler was so outgoing and popular and he definitely sparked my attraction in confidence and Christ focused. A few months later we began dating and then the hard part came. Boundaries. Yes folks, boundaries are completely necessary in a God honouring relationship. Are they easy? absolutely not. Is it possible? Anything is possible with Jesus as your priority. I wish that I had a wonderful equation of how to make purity seem easy.
Unfortunately I do not, dating is hard, especially when you are young and in love. The best advice I have heard is to create a list of non-negotiables before entering into a dating relationship and discussing these with your love interest before entering into a dating relationship. If they can love you and accept these terms while also sharing their own similar thoughts and ideas, they might just be worth hanging on to. It’s a great place to start and opens the door to your prayer life as a couple, your communication and your trust in one another.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28
Community has played a very important role in Tyler and I becoming a Christ centered couple. Looking back and seeing the various phases of life we have encountered has had much to do with who we were spending time with in those moments of life. In Proverbs it says,
“whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20.
Some of our most precious moments of life was when we knew we were where we needed to be in life, simply by who God decided to surround us with. If you are in a place in your life where you are feeling distant or passionless towards Jesus, maybe start by checking your surroundings and making a change toward doing life with the wise.
When I began picturing what I wanted out of true love, my expectations were truly an unattainable feat. I wanted movie love, flash forward, everything will work out, consumer love. But this was not only unfair to me to expect that I would find this in a partner, but also unfair to my future spouse. If I dumped every guy that didn’t meet that expectation there would be no hope of a partner in my future. In relationship you are not picking the best parts of a person and tossing the messy bits, you are embracing that person for exactly who they are. God created and worthy of your love and affection. The person you choose to marry should have an anchor point of good values, and affection outside of what you can offer to them. That way when your relationship is at its weakest, you will each have solid ground to stand on. You want someone whose faithfulness to you and to their faith is not dependant on the moving pieces of your circumstances.
Tyler and I have attended Christian marriage counselling in the past and in one session our councillor told us that she felt like Tyler was the key to unlocking my heart. At the time I thought “pfft, that’s cheesy”. But time and time again I have seen God use Tyler’s gifts to break down my walls, let go of my guard and embrace security and the feeling of trust and love. That is a gift that is God given, that is movie love. A man who strives to do beautiful things for beautiful reasons. Who pursues the Lord and encourages you in this pursuit. If you want to find your person who is the key to your heart, make your convictions matter and be open to what God wants to do in your life. Maybe it is not a relationship, maybe it is, maybe God is saying slow down or not yet but have your own heart in tune with his to be able to recognize his voice in the situations, seek the wise for council and have faith that God provides good for those who love him.
I’m Alyse and I am an elementary teacher from Edmonton. I met my husband almost 10 years ago and have adventured through life as husband and wife for the last 4 and a half years. I have been blessed to meet so many amazing people along my journey and community is very important to me. I hope in reading our post and so many others on Daysha’s blog you feel challenged, encouraged and maybe like someone else out there has gone through what you are going through. Blessings!
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