Why are relationships so hard?! There are so many times when I wanna throw in the towel and never make an effort. But then not long after I experience really great community and feel embarrassed that I ever thought poorly about friendship. Doing life with other broken humans is messy, and feels a lot like a roller coaster at times. There are unspoken expectations, and peoples feelings getting hurt, but there is also uncontrollable laughter and safe places to share the deepest parts of your being. Friendship is complicated. I do not know all the answers. So when I was recently feeling some frustrations and hurts from some friends, I remembered a guy who faced many similar friendship issues.
Jesus had many friends and grew close to a few particular individuals. I think Christians have the tendency to only see Jesus as the Son of God, this perfect being, where in fact he was also the Son of Man, meaning that he was fully human as well. This tells us that Jesus dealt with the same emotions and issues that we experience ourselves.
This one incident, just a couple hours before Jesus would be crucified, Jesus was abandoned and betrayed by his closest friends; at the time where he needed them most. However, what struck me was Jesus knew beforehand that his friends would betray him, yet he did not try to avoid it. Wow!
So how did Jesus deal with the brokenness in friendships?
Jesus does not fight back. “All who use swords are destroyed by swords.” (Matt. 26:52 MSG) Jesus did not give into the temptation to fight his friends physically or verbally; in fact he calls Judas “friend” (vs. 50). Unlike Peter who allowed his emotions to get the best of him and draw a sword, Jesus refrained and understood a greater weapon. Just moments before Jesus had spent hours praying, and knew of the access he had to the spiritual realm. “Do you not think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels?” (vs. 53). Jesus prayed. Now while we do not know all that he prayed for, perhaps in knowing that this encounter with Judas would come he asked God to help him control his emotions and act peaceably. Who knows? Just a thought.
Jesus also remained silent. When Jesus was being accused and mocked “Jesus remained silent” (Matt. 26:63). I think there is lots to learn from this. How easy it can be to lash out and defend ourselves when we are accused, but how often does that only add fuel to the fire. There are multiple Proverbs that talk about keeping silent; “even a foo who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent,” (Proverbs 17:28). Sometimes in relationships it is better to say nothing.
Jesus was faithful to his friends. As Jesus was being betrayed by Judas he was still faithful to his other friends. “If you seek me, let these men go. This was to fulfill the word that he had spoken: ‘Of those whom you gave me I have not lost not one,” (John 18:8-9). It seems to me that not only was Jesus committed to his friends, he recognized that friendship is a gift from God. It is easy to adopt the thinking that our friends are entitled to us, I am so guilty of this, but when we switch our thinking that our friends (or boyfriends/husbands) are not ours but God’s, I think we become more in-tune with what God desires for our relationships.
Jesus forgave his friends. Wow! His closest friends that he had spent the past three years with, stabbed him in the back, broke their promise and abandoned Jesus. And while he was hanging on the cross in excruciating physical, emotional and spiritual pain “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” (Luke 23:34). Wow!
Jesus had some tough times with his relationships, but he understood their momentary existence. He was willing to suffer temporarily because he knew what was coming. And we too have the hope that our current relationship struggles will not last forever. Through Christ we have the hope of peace and reconciliation in eternity.
So don’t loose hope. Don’t allow your emotions to get the best of you. Take it to God, tell him exactly how you feel. Pray for your friends, your boyfriend or husband. Don’t give up being a good loyal friend. And most importantly, forgive them. This is so hard, but let me tell you there is so much freedom when you do.
Prayer: Jesus, my heart is hurting. Help me to have the same grace and love towards my friends as you did to Judas and the other disciples. Would you transform my grudging heart to one of love and forgiveness so that I may walk in freedom with you and others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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