Have you ever fooled yourself?

By guest writer, Krysta Linke

Looking in from the outside you would imagine Krysta’s life to be perfect. Raised in a Christian home, married at the age of 20 to the love of her life, fast forward 10 years and rocking married life, now raising two adorable girls, surrounded by great friends and serving at a church she loves. It’s picture perfect. It’s what any girl would dream of.

Or so it would appear…

While although being raised in a loving Christian home, Krysta saw Christianity as a giant rule book that put a damper on everything life had to offer. For this reason, Christianity had no appeal to her. Why would she want to follow a dusty old book of rules anyways? What was in it for her, she wondered?

So she carried on through junior high and high school, leaving behind her core values and Christianity. Instead she allowed her own wants and desires to become the compass which steered her life, and was determined that that direction was far away from wherever Christians were.

Life continued on for Krysta. And the thing is, it appeared to be going fine. Not only could she fool those looking in from the outside, but she also fooled herself for a bit. She thought she had it all together, she thought she was smarter than those who told her otherwise, she thought she felt good about herself, but ironically the very opposite was the truth.

Without knowing it at the time, Krysta was quick to accept defeat and believe the thoughts her mind fed her without putting up a fight. Her mind became the battle field where the enemy would do its best work. And no one would know… and at times, not even herself.

Satan began to wedge his way into her mind through the ropes she had given him access to. Every time a thought of insecurity or doubt climbed into her mind, she didn’t hesitate to throw it a rope; therefore allowing the insecurity to gain a stronger foot hold on her life.

In all honestly, the big pivoting moment where God does something miraculous that would forever change the trajectory of Krysta’s life doesn’t happen as expected. So if you are waiting for God to do something big and extraordinary, stop sitting there and waiting and start looking cause God rarely moves as we’d expect.

Eventually after the tassel was turned and diploma was in hand Krysta knew she wanted to change her life. Living for her own desires proved to be less satisfying than it was made out to be. However, change of any kind is scary and Krysta knew that if she ever did turn her life around she would be leaving so much behind and feared being alone. But deep down there was a whisper or perhaps more like a gut feeling that the change she needed was God Himself. Krysta fought this feeling, since she didn’t want anything to do with God. However, God was slowly softening her heart towards His and pursuing her in her uncertainty. He knew her heart was weary of trying to be something she was not and ached from never feeling good enough.

Honestly, she just didn’t know what a relationship with God even looked like because of the point she was at in her life. It was in a moment of complete surrender and a big leap of faith that Krysta called out to God for the first time in years. From that point onwards it all started to flood back. The guilt. The shame. All the time wasted. But also the peace, the joy, and the love that she knew as a child.

In just a few short years, Krysta was walking down the isle, therefore cutting short her easygoing teenaged years and stepping into adult life as a new wife. By their first anniversary they was expecting their first baby – a girl. Life was changing rapidly, and leaving seldom room for any time to process it.

Do you ever feel like that? Like life is racing by and you can barely catch your breath and take in all that is happening?

Even though the purpose behind her life changed when God grasped Krysta’s heart, she still struggled with the insecurity and lack of confidence – even at times to this day. Like most people, she found herself putting her confidence in the things she could control, and the things that were good in her life such as a husband, and being a mom. But for the times that she fell short or failed, her confidence seemed to crumble.

What about those times when you fail? What do you place your confidence in? What about when people disappoint you or relationships fall through? Where is your confidence then?

For Krysta, Christianity was a rule book. She never saw it as a relationship. However, when God captured her heart again Christianity became something much more real than she could have ever hoped for because it was based on God wanting the best for her and Him wanting to walk this life with her. Krysta admits that a relationship rather than religion seemed uncomplicated and desirable. It seemed sustainable and dependable.

And that’s where her confidence and security comes from. A real sustainable relationship. Holding on to that makes it easier to handle the things that happens in her life. The doubt, the anxiety, the lack self-confidence. 

Christianity was no longer a religion but simply being who God intended Krysta to be; and he wanted the very best for her. Not for her to be some robot that followed all the rules, but to live in the peace and security found in His great love for her.

One of the hardest parts of being a Christian is recognizing that you are free and forgiven, but still also recognizing that you are still human and therefore susceptible to sin. So what do we do when we claim to have Christ in our lives but are still attacked by the enemy?

For Krysta, it was all about recognizing the power she had and not giving the enemy anymore rope. Whenever an insecure thought entered her mind, she made the choice to shut those thoughts down, and change her thought pattern. This is really important! Krysta still struggles at 31, not because of her past or because she’s a failure. No, because she is human. And it’s something that won’t be ultimately defeated until sin is taken care of once and for all. Nevertheless, Krysta is always hopeful because she has such a solid support system and a God as her anchor through it all.

It’s easy to get in a mind space allowing negativity to rule our minds. Once we give the enemy a rope to climb up, it’s very difficult to shake him off. The issue comes when we think it’s just our own thoughts and that it’s normal. But friends, it’s not suppose to be this way! God did not intend for negative thoughts to run rapid. They are not from God. 

How do we know the difference?

1. God is a God of peace, not overwhelming thoughts or feelings. Are your thoughts are aligning with the promises of God and who He is: the God of peace and the God of love?

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.” – Romans 8:1-2

When we feel down on ourselves, worried or full of self-doubt those things don’t come from God. God is actually pretty clear.

God will never make you feel guilty or anxious.

2. It is so important to catch yourself the minute a negative thought comes in your mind. Have someone in your life to text, call or go for coffee with in that moment. If you feel like a burden please know that everyone struggles with something. For Krysta it was feeling good enough, and having confidence. She still struggles with that time to time, but having someone as a safe place to turn to has been huge for her.  However, our pride can be a real hinderance for us for reaching out to someone. Please know that there is zero shame in reaching out for prayer. Doing so not only benefits you, but believe it or not, it also strengthens the other person’s faith and relationships with you as well. 

3. We must remember that we are never going to be perfect. We will make mistakes.

After Krysta rekindled her relationship with God, she explains there was a rush of guilt for the time wasted and the lifestyle she had pursued. For someone who struggles with feeling enough this standard of perfection which she felt the Bible portrayed for Christians felt unachievable. It was what turned her off from Christianity in the first place.

But God was working on her heart. There was no sudden switch or flashy moment. It was a process that took time. But Krysta got to a place where her past was no longer looming over her. She now knows without a shadow of doubt that she is completely forgiven. God holds nothing against her.

So if you are struggling with something and feel like God is not doing anything or is mad at you, don’t give up friend! No matter what you struggle with, it is a journey. You are not lost, and God has not forgotten you. God is not in a rush to put a band-aid on it. He is more interested in the deep healing process in your heart. It’s okay to struggle and be frustrated.

These things take faith and trust and believing that God knows what we need more than we do.

It’s okay to have those days. Please don’t feel guilty about feeling those thoughts and emotions. Those are natural human things. They are things that we have to fight, but it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. However, it’s not sitting it in and allowing it to control you. But know your feelings are so valid. 

4. We need to be better at complimenting each other.

We are so quick to not notice each other, we need to be better at complimenting people, and just noticing people in general. Tell your friends that they are beautiful and not just on the outside, but the inside too!

For example, “I love your heart.” “I love the way you talked to that person.”

A girl telling another girl how beautiful they are is such a powerful thing. It is such a boost of confidence. 

However, our pride (once again) can be a real hinderance for us in this. So we gotta humble ourselves and love others with the same kind of love that God loves us with. (This is a lot easier to do when we know our confidence is rooted in Jesus alone.)

I’m Krysta Linke. I’ve been Married for 11 years. My husbands name is Ben and We have two daughters, Violet and Ruby! I met Daysha 2 years ago when I decided to join Hope City Church youth as a coach. I’m super excited to share my thoughts on her blog. I love Daysha’s heart for others, her desire to inspire other women, with honest and real conversations:)