By Guest Writer Rachelle Bzdel
I wish there was a magic formula for friendships. Because even finding just one can change your life. We were created for connection, our souls long for it but sometimes we are our own barrier to the very thing we want. Relationships are hard. They bring out the best in us but also the worst. I feel like I still have so many more lessons to learn about being a good friend. But I’m so thankful I have some of the best in my life. These women encourage me, pray for me, call me out, stand by me, make me laugh and love me for me. It’s worth the fight to find friends like this. And the fight begins with you. Healthy friendships require healthy self esteem. When we tell our friends that we want them to be honest and real with us, we have to be able to take it. We have to understand that our self worth is in Jesus and not in anyone else. I know it’s so much easier said than done- but it’s the bottom line to healthy relationships.
Friendships also take work. 1 Corinthians 13 gives such an amazing guideline for us to strive for...
Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. 5 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. 6 Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. 7 Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.
It’s not what can I get out of this friendship, but what can I give to this friendship. It’s also ok to have boundaries in friendships, it can’t be all one sided, and you never deserve to be treated poorly. It’s important to be intentional. Something I’ve learned and really try to follow in my own life is not making decisions based on emotions. When I make plans with friends- I do everything I can to honor those plans whether I feel like it or not. Obviously circumstances change sometimes but I think it’s important to decide what’s important to you in friendships and then decide practical ways that you can honor those values. I wish I had a really great memory but I don’t so sometimes I take notes to remember things like my friends favorite snacks or drinks, and I put reminders in my calendar of important events going on in my friends lives so I can text them the day of. Those quick notes and reminders have gone such a long way in helping me show others that I really care about them.
Some of my friends and I started getting together once every few months to pray together and that has been such an amazing experience. It forced us to be vulnerable in sharing our heart and bonded us in such a strong way being able to care for and advocate for each other. It was something that took someone stepping out and planning, and definitely put us out of our comfort zone but those things that don’t always seem natural can be the most beautiful. And most rewarding. We’ve seen God answer some of our prayers with a yes and it’s made celebrating that much richer, and we’ve also walked the valleys with each other when the answer has been no. Friendships don’t change the course in which our lives go but they sure make the journey lighter.
If friendships are an area that you struggle with and you feel alone- ask God to bring good solid friends into your life. Ask Him to show you how you can be a better friend. If you have good friends- be grateful for the gift they are.
Hey, my name is Rachelle! I have been married to my hubby Mike for 10 years and have two amazing kids, Logan and Tavia. Some of my favourite things are cute coffee shops, a good podcast, the sound of ocean waves, the feeling when you finish a hard workout, live worship playlists and buttered salty popcorn. I am also passionate about helping others find their true identify in Christ.
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