Have you ever compared yourself saying “oh I should be more like her she is so hospitable and kind and selfless, I wish I could be more like her.” However, has it ever occurred to you that in reality we don’t know the other person’s motives for their actions or what is truly going on. For example, they could be doing that to prove themselves because they always feel insecure or less than or not enough. They could be wanting to be you because you are at peace with yourself and don’t feel the need to prove.
I think it’s fair to say we all know comparison is not good. That is why we must be so careful when we compare ourselves because we truly don’t know the whole story and motivations of the person we are comparing ourselves too.
But, this isn’t rocket science. I know that you know. So let me tell a little story.
There were these two sisters. The older one, let’s call her Lindsey, always compared herself to her younger sister, let’s call her Rebecca. Rebecca had such a natural beauty to her, it was ridiculous. Everyone wanted to be her friend and some guy was always pursuing her. As you can imagine, Lindsey, while still beautiful too, felt ugly, unwanted and rejected. As the oldest daughter, she felt the pressure to remain ahead of her sister in every which way. But this proved to become an exhaustive battle that pride would not let her quit.
Years later when Rebecca was engaged to the man of her dreams, Lindsey’s jealousy went to a whole other level. Her father who was swept into her victim narrative, helped trick the groom into marrying Lindsey instead.
Now I know, you think this is crazy. And how could something like this be pulled off?
But just bear with me. The story is not over yet!
Could you imagine being in Rebecca’s shoes? So happy she had found the man of her dreams and was madly in love, to then wake up to discover that her sister had married her fiancé! The feud did not stop there. You would think Lindsey would be satisfied in finally being married before her sister and to the man of her sister’s dreams. However, for the rest of their lives, comparison and jealousy ruled these sisters lives. They had to out do each other in every category. And their problems with comparison didn’t stop with them, but impacted their children and how their children treated one another.
Words and even the smallest thoughts have power!!
I say this all to demonstrate that comparison can and usually does go both ways. Whether it is visible or not, when we compare ourselves to someone we are doing two things.
Believing the lie that we are not good enough.
Believing that God is a liar and cannot be trusted.
That story with Lindsey and Rebecca is actually a paraphrase of the story of Leah and Rachel that is found in Exodus 29.
What is really important to remember when we are battling comparison, is that God see’s us and hears us just as much as the other person. MIND BLOWN.
God remembered Rachel (Genesis 30:22) and the Lord heard and saw Leah (Genesis 29: 31-33).
God see’s us in the mess and the pain that we have caused ourselves, and still his desires for us are always good and redemptive. Notice that when God hears and see’s these two girls he was not upset with them or disappointed in them. He saw them. He listened to them and He loved them.
When rejection, insecurity, and comparison seemed to define this sister relationship, God still used both of them far beyond anything they could have ever imagined or deserved. It would be through Leah’s son Judah that King David and Jesus would come from! In Leah’s feelings of being unwanted and rejected, she could have never imagined that she would be a great grandmother of Jesus, the Messiah. In addition, Rachel’s son Joseph would also play an important role in God’s redemptive plan.
Have you ever been jealous of a friend or a sister? Can I challenge you to step out and confess those things to that person you compare yourself to? Imagine what would’ve happened if Rachel and Leah confessed their insecurity and jealousy to one another? Imagine the impact that would’ve had on their relationship and their children’s relationships?
Not only were Rachel and Leah comparing their lives to each other, but they were also comparing how God was dealing with the other one another.
“God why have you blessed her with her dream job and not me?”
“God why does she seem to get everything she wants and not me?”
“God why can she get away with that and not me?”
When we accuse God of not doing his job for us, we only hinder ourselves of blessing. UGH This is sooo hard. I struggle with this almost everyday.
So if you struggle with comparison (which let’s be real is all of us) here are a couple biblical truths we can do to combat it. This is not something that will go away over night, but through the Holy Spirit and community I believe we can turn what the enemy intended for harm into good.
Praise and give thanks to God despite your feelings and your insecurities. Praise him despite your circumstances. Put on worship music even when you don’t feel like worshipping.
Know and trust that he has a unique plan for you that will not look like anyone else’s. To help with this, begin thanking him that he has a purpose for you and that he see’s you where you are at. HE IS FOR YOU!
Find someone who you trust to confess these thoughts and feelings of comparison to. Speaking it into the light exposes the darkness and you will see the grip of comparisons loosen on you. You are not alone in these feelings.
Friend, we cannot mess up God’s plan. He is going to use you despite your short comings, your insecurities, and your doubts if you let him. Those things do not define you. You have not missed out. He is always for you.
Hey friend,
Thanks for taking the time to read these words. They were written with you in mind, but to be honest I’m speaking them right back to my own heart.
If we haven’t met, my name is Daysha. I am probably just like you in many respects. Someone who is trying to figure out life, her dreams, and her passions. Discovering who God called her to be, while cheering others on that same journey. A girl who struggles with insecurities, fears and shame. But who is showing up imperfectly for the glory of God and the good of others.
Thanks for reading.
Commenti