Hello, my name is Krysta! I am currently a 22 year old student at MacEwan University studying to get my bachelor of commerce degree with a major in accounting. I’m a huge
introvert, but a proud introvert to say the least. I spend my time doing puzzles, cross-stitching, excessively loving my cats, playing video games, and collecting quirky pins. I am the youngest of four sisters, and we spend most of our time playing board games and destroying each other at video games.
My family has been attending Hope City Church
since before I was born and consider it my home church.
Hi there, I’m Alexa! I am a 24 year old freelance graphic designer, and photographer. My passion is to create neat designs and take pictures of amazing people along the way. I spend most of my time illustrating on my iPad, catching up on every Netflix series, or napping with my cats. I am the third sibling of four sisters and I basically spend most of my evenings
yelling to gain attention for more than 2 minutes. God is always at the centre of what I do, and He is always pushing me to be a better version of myself.
--
Krysta: Hi! My name is Krysta.
Alexa: Hello, my name is Alexa!
Krysta: We're going to have a conversation about mental health, ask each other questions, and answer based on our journey and experiences.
I've been dealing with depression since I was in grade 9, so when I was 14. So 8 years, oh my, hahaha. Depression and anxiety go hand in hand together; if you have one, there's a good chance you can have the other. When I was in grade 12, I started having really bad anxiety attacks, and I just couldn't handle it on my own anymore, so I reached out to get help. I have been getting therapy since then, and it really changed my life. Alexa, what's your story?
Alexa: Honestly, the same kind of thing. I feel like anxiety has always kinda been there for me. However, when the depression came into the mix, things got bad. I started having panic attacks, felt isolated, and school was kind of a toxic environment. It came to a breaking point where I realized there was nothing left to do but reach out and get help. So I talked to Krysta, and she introduced me to her therapist. It truly changed my life, and I am a huge advocate for therapy.
Today we wanted to break down those walls and have an honest conversation on mental health, in our lives, and the Church. We jotted down a few questions to ask each other, so here we go!
How would you describe your anxiety? Is it mostly in your head, or is it more physical?
Krysta: Umm, it's a combination of both. At first, my anxiety starts in my head, and then it moves to my whole body. Then I become stressed, which leads to freaking out and being unable to breathe, and my brain isn't thinking right, and then I just wanna run and throw up.
Alexa: I feel like when people notice someone trying to have a panic attack, their first response is to tell them to "calm down." Which, (to me) isn't helpful at all. Because at that moment, you are completely losing control. It's hard to explain, but you just feel so much in those moments, and all you want and need is to just let it run its course until you can calm yourself down.
Krysta: My longest anxiety attack lasted *drumroll* ...4 hours!
Alexa: Wooooahh.
Krysta: I was on an airplane. My body was like, "why am I up here," and my brain was like, "everything is fine, Krysta," and my body was like, "PANIC!" Super fun.
What are some misconceptions of anxiety and depression?
Alexa: People have told me all I need to do is be happy, and everything will be fine. They tell me that they can't understand because they are happy, and that's how I fix it. Like no though, hahaha yay for you though for being happy, if only it was that easy. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong, like I should feel more ashamed and like a freak for feeling like this. Let me just say, it is OKAY to be sad, depressed, anxious, and whatever else. Until you accept that you feel this way, you can't really fix it.
In the Church, we hear that we should just pray, and everything will be better. I wanna believe this one, and maybe somewhere out there, God has cured you of your anxiety and depression. However, in my experience, I did try; I begged for God to change my brain and who I was to cure my depression. I understand now, my relationship with God at the time was so doubtful, so I'm not surprised there wasn't some revolutionary change.
Krysta: Yeah, God knows your heart and knows when you are all in or not. He doesn't always answer your call, and sometimes it's for your own good and a bit of test.
What was your relationship with God like when your anxiety or depression was at its worst?
Krysta: I was just angry a lot. I would drive home from youth (this is before therapy) and just yell at God for 20 minutes. I wasn't getting any answers from God, the Church, school, or my family.
Alexa: I feel that. I think God allows you to cast doubt but at your own risk. It wasn't like I was being super grateful for what I had or what would go on at the time. So when I would talk to God, it was all about me and my problems.
It's like if you have a friend who sometimes calls you to ask about your day, and you never call them back. When things get bad, they stop calling, and you get mad at them for not checking in with you. Like dude, they don't really wanna help you out right now, doesn't mean they don't care about you, but maybe you should figure this out for yourself and ask them how they're doing.
Krysta: Yeah! It's like I was absent from God because I felt like he was absent from me.
Alexa: Which he wasn't. It's important that you know God is there even when he isn't answering your prayer. Sometimes he is answering your prayers, just not in the way you wanted.
How is your relationship with God now that you have a better grasp on your mental illness?
Alexa: It's getting better. It took time for me to trust again, which is okay. I've read some things where Christians say, "never doubt in the Lord, and basically, you are a fool if you can't let God fully into your heart." Like neato for you guys, but in my case, I felt hurt and left behind. I don't blame God at all for that; I dug myself my hole. So it has taken me a bit of time to learn how to talk to God and fix my relationship.
I started praying every night before I go to bed, and when I say every, I mean I can't sleep without doing so. I don't just pray for me anymore, I pray for things I hear about in my day, my family, friends, and I thank God for blessing my family and watching over me. This time around, I genuinely mean it. There is no ulterior motive. My next step is to try and read my bible more, and almost every day, so I'll keep you updated on that one.
Krysta: After I got a better handle on my mental health, I tried to be more appreciative of God in every aspect of my life, not just in my highs and lows. I've tried to be more grateful in my neutral moments, even when I'm literally doing nothing. Our relationship is a lot better now than it's been in the past. It's not perfect, or even great, and there are things I can improve on.
Alexa: Especially during Covid, I feel like God has become my therapist. Because I can't go to my therapist as often, he's taken that role, which is how it should be. It took therapy and learning how to discuss my feelings, past, and life to talk to him so openly now.
Why do you think God lead you to anxiety and depression? Why didn't he protect you from it?
Krysta & Alexa: BUMBUM BAAAAAAAA
Krysta: Hahaha, yikes! I read a quote, don't know who, but it said that "God gives the biggest struggle to the people who can handle it and learn from it." I felt so weak at my worst with my mental health, but looking back, I feel so much stronger because of it. God gave me this to grow, and it's really tough, and it sucks. It robs you of important things happening at the time.
Alexa: Yeah, it makes you learn about yourself faster, and what you are capable of, what you need to let go of, and who you want to be. Hahaha, that sounds so deep.
Is mental health a divine punishment from God? Or a sign of weak faith?
Alexa: Agh, I'm sweating. That's an intense question. My heart wants to say no; God would never want to punish us. But we all know that's not completely true, as there are times in the bible where he tested his followers. In my mind, I could have given up my faith altogether, said: "well, you abandoned me, I'm going to abandon you." But I didn't. I got my head right, figured out where my heart was at and came back to him.
Does it show a sign of weak faith? In my case, yes, absolutely. My head and heart were somewhere else. I was in pain, and I didn't trust God at the time.
Krysta: God gives us lifelines, and sometimes we're so blinded by the darkness we can't see it. Occasionally, he makes us figure it out on our own.
Alexa: I don't want to make it sound like it's easy either. Because I talked about how I dislike when people are just like, "it's easy, look to God." But at the time when you are in such a dark place, you don't see God's path, and that's okay. It's all about how you respond and where you go to get help.
Do you think it's okay for a Christian to take anti-depressants? In other words, are taking anti-depressants a sign of "giving up" on God?
Krysta: Well, as someone who takes anti-depressants, I think it's okay. They're there, and they are super helpful for me. I'm super happy I decided to take them. After I had a terrible experience at my high school grad, where I was so anxious I didn't eat, barely slept, and just cried all day, I needed that bit of the extra help. Therapy had gotten me to the point of attending my grad, but I needed extra support. I talked to my doctor and therapist, and they got me on my medication.
Alexa: I personally don't take any medication. But, I can preach that I've seen a difference when we go out, and you take your meds. If anti-depressants are bad, then all medication is bad, right? Like you take medicine to get better, it's the same way with the brain for some people.
Krysta: Talk to your doctor and/or therapist before making up your mind. It might not be the right step for you, so check out all your options.
What would you say to someone dealing with depression, anxiety, or any mental illness, who is afraid to seek help?
Alexa: I mean, if someone comes to you, talk to them and listen. Then I would recommend a therapist for sure. Because I am not a professional, I can't understand the human brain the way they do. People who haven't been to therapy do not understand that in that space, EVERYTHING is worth talking about. When you can talk face to face to someone about what you've been through can be extremely tough, but also like breathing in new air.
Then find someone to check in with you on your progress with therapy, but also with God. It is important to have a friend in a tough period like this.
Krysta: There is no need to be afraid of therapy either. There's still a stigma out there that you're a crazy person if you go, which isn't true.
Alexa: My parents actually didn't know I went to therapy the first few times because I was scared of what they would think. They were surprised at the time and were like, "why though, you're fine." Which, of course, I was not. I've been going to therapy for about 3 years now, and I feel like a way better version of myself, and I'm sure my parents would say the same.
What are some ways you deal with your mental illness?
Krysta: Well, with depression, I try to do things that make me happy. Like I do puzzles, a lot of puzzles!
Alexa: She's a serial puzzler.
Krysta: Yeah, but I also just really like doing puzzles! It gets my mind off things while doing something that brings me joy. It gets me out of my room, where I would usually go and hide if I was sad.
With my anxiety, it's literally just breathing. It sounds so easy, right? Therapy has taught me how to breathe, and it's so helpful. Just taking deep breaths and focusing on that. If I feel some stress coming on, I just take some time and breathe, and it makes all the difference.
Alexa: I feel all of that, minus the puzzles, haha. With depression, I just wanna sit in my bed all day, cry, watch hours of Netflix, and just drift into the beyond. But you can't let that happen. You gotta force yourself out of bed and interact with someone or something. Maybe I sit and watch Netflix with you (Krysta) or the family. Anything to get me moving.
Anxiety is pretty much the same. BREATHING IS EVERYTHING. Guys, just like take a breathe right now, not a shallow one, but like a deep one that you can feel in your stomach. It's so good! I can get really built-up anxiety, so I just pile and pile my day on top of one another, and then I can't do anything else but cry. So with that, I just leave whatever I'm doing and take a break and breathe, chill or pray, however long I need. Otherwise, I'm just a basketcase, and my day is shot because my mind and heart are just racing.
Everyone is so different, so learn about what triggers you and what gives you joy. Then hopefully, you can have a good balance.
What should the Church do to address mental health issues? And what would happen if the Church ignores these problems?
Alexa: Uhmm, is it too simple to say, just listen to people? I know that everyone wants to fix everything so fast, but just slow down and listen to their problems and how they feel. I think that's why most people turn to therapy and not the Church because you sometimes feel more heard in therapy, ya know? Like, God put other people on the earth so we can relate and talk to one another.
Krysta: And you can't blame the pastor because a lot is going on, and sometimes the person isn't ready to open up. So I think just talking about mental illness more in services. It would be really cool if the Church could bring in a Christian therapist to have a talk. Especially now during Covid, where people feel more isolated than ever.
Does your therapist need to be a Christian?
Krysta: Actually, the therapist that we go to is not a Christian. When I was in high school, I needed to find someone right away. I didn't really have time to hunt for a Christian therapist. I got super lucky, though. She is so funny, sarcastic and pushes me to answer tough questions. I can't imagine ever changing therapists because she knows so much of my story and what I've been through. Other people tend to try out 3-4 different therapists till they find the right one they connect well with.
Alexa: Totally! Because you and I are so much alike, I also got along with the same therapist, so I didn't really think of trying to find a Christian one. Now, as time has gone on, I'm thinking of making a change. Not that she isn't amazing, she has changed my life, but now I think I want someone who will push me with God in the picture. Also, if you have a good therapist, they will be okay with switching to someone new (which mine is). If it's what you want, then it's for the best.
--
Alexa: Thank you for joining us on our little talkie poo. I hope it was helpful to someone out there!
Krysta: Okay, bye! Call your therapist, and I'm going to call mine after this conversation, hahaha!
Comments